The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
