at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
