laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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