return my video game
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
