I will die if light touches me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
