Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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