I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
