So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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