Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
