What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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