K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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