is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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