Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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