i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
