Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
