god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
