im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
