Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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