whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
