You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
