Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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