I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
