My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
