Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
