At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
