I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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