just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
