How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
