On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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