so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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