i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
