guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
