this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
