I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
