I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
