I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
