You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
