Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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