man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
