Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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