Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
