O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
