I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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