No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
