fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
