dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
