see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
