Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
