Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
