He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
