dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So. Much. Porn.
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